This is a song parody I wrote for my sketchwriting class earlier this year. It is pretty embarrassing, but I feel that it is important to take responsibility for my actions, no matter how shameful they may be.


CAST:

  • TAYLOR – World-famous pop superstar
  • JACK – Her friend who is really bad at making sushi

SCENE:
Taylor is having sushi at JACK’s house. Something isn’t sitting right with her …


TAYLOR:
(sung to the tune of “Look What You Made Me Do”)

I don’t like your bad sushi
Don’t you see it’s slimy
The food you fed to me
Tasted off, no I don’t feel good

I regret the choice to dine
My guts feel undermined
You said the greens are fine
No they’re not, no I don’t feel good

So I run to the bathroom, get there in the nick of time
Honey, these sounds could wake the dead, give me a bit more time
I’m looking in the toilet, what’s in there might be a crime
I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Ooh, look what you made me poo
Look what you made me poo
Look what you just made me poo
Look what you just made me
Ooh, look what you made me poo
Look what you made me poo
Look what you just made me poo
Look what you just made me

I don’t know if I believe
That thing came out of me
You ask me if I need to leave
No I’m great, I loved your feast (not!)

What’s in your john looks like a Lovecraft diorama, -rama
Haven’t felt this bad since those tacos down in Tijuana
Uh oh, my bowels are acting up again, no that’s not all
One thing’s for sure: you better get Lysol.

I’m sick of this bombing campaign of the porcelain sea
Should take a Snapchat and then send it to you spitefully
I’m really nauseous and I’m freaking out on WebMD
I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

Ooh, look what you made me poo
Look what you made me poo
Look what you just made me poo
Look what you just made me
Ooh, look what you made me poo
Look what you made me poo
Look what you just made me poo
Look what you just made me

I won’t trust your cooking anymore, I’m no chump
Excuse me while I pump this clump out of my rump
(x4)

“I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now.”
“Why?”
“Oh, ‘cause she’s—” ​(fart noise)

[ BLACKOUT ]