What’s the new job?

I’m going to be a technical writer at Twitter.

What does a technical writer do?

I’ll be writing internal technical documentation for software engineers.

Can’t engineers write their own documentation?

They can! I’ll be helping them do that, too.

When do you start?

October 24.

So. Twitter, huh?


I think I signed up for a Twitter account a while ago. I never really used it.

That’s not a question.

Oh, come on. _This_ is what you’re doing?

What do you mean?

You’re doing the thing where you write an FAQ and one of the questions isn’t actually a question and then you call it out for not being a question.

I … guess so?

Isn’t that kind of a tired joke?


And now you think calling out the fact that it’s a tired joke is somehow going to make the joke not as tired? Don’t you realize that awareness of doing something bad doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re doing the bad thing; in fact, it kind of makes it worse?

Hey, let’s not forget that _you’re_ the one who thought the best response to me announcing my new job at Twitter was to say, “I don’t use Twitter.”


So screw you.

Sorry, man.

Look, I didn’t mean for this FAQ to become a whole big thing. I just wanted to announce a thing that’s happening, is all.

Sounds like you got more than you bargained for, didn’t you?

It sure seems like it.

By the way …


You do realize that technical writing is all about brevity and directness, right?

Sure. Of course.

And this FAQ is, like, the complete opposite of that?

Ugh. I really don’t need this from you right now.

Does this mean you’re going to stop using Facebook? Should I start tweeting at you all the time?

I’m leaving.

Hey, did you hear that Disney’s going to buy Twitter soon?


Can you really say anything important in just 140 characters?


What’s your favorite hashtag, bro?